Suburban Oblivion

Reason #21 I Am Not Cut Out To Raise Boys

// March 25th, 2007 // Real Life //

I just got done getting Brendan up for his nightly 9pm pee. He rarely has accidents anymore, but getting him up before I go to bed insures I don’t get woken up at 3am hearing “Mommy, me all wet”.  Better safe than sorry right?

Only there is a downside to waking a sleeping male and expecting him to urinate on command. Did I say downside? I guess technically it is an upside.  Yeah, that little issue.

I get my sleeping child up, guide him to the potty, pull his pants down as he rubs his eyes and blinks against the light, and usually he does his thing, and then sleepily runs back to bed. Obviously doing this every night I’m no stranger to seeing the soldier standing at attention, so to speak. Only tonight the flag was at full mass as opposed to half. Out of the bathroom my husband hears me screeching “No Brendan, point it down! In the toilet, point it down! Point it down!!” as my son stands there and half asleep, pees all over the bathroom wall.

I am quite indignant as I wiped down the wall and toilet, and relayed the story to my husband. His response surprised me. “Well, I’m with him on that one.” What..what? “What do you mean?”, I ask him.  He tells me when its standing at full attention like that, it hurts to point it down. So what, given the choice between a little pain(childbirth, yoohoo??) and me cleaning pee off the base of the toilet and walls, he prefers to sacrifice me?? Suddenly it all makes sense. All this time I assumed these things happen because my husband was too sleepy to even turn the bathroom light on. Now I know he just was afraid his poor peepee might hurt. Ugh.

I told him thats it, I am on strike. I’ll clean the sinks, tub and shower, but the toilet in our bathroom is now and forever his responsibility. He laughed, but I am dead serious.

Luckily we have a guest bathroom. I have a feeling ours will be, shall we say, less than sanitary soon.

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