Suburban Oblivion

I Remember Now Why I Gave Up Mommyboards.

// April 28th, 2007 // Online //

Way back when I was pregnant with my oldest, I joined my first online message board for parents. The chats, the easy access to other moms; I was hooked from day one. It seemed natural to join another when I got pregnant with my second. Overall it was another good experience, not without a few bumps along the way, but worth the trouble in the end.

Then I got pregnant with my third. By this point I was 6 1/2 years older than when I started my message board journey, and considerably more experienced and dare I say, opinionated? While this was accepted as me being me in the other two communities, the third one was all about nothing but happiness to the point of being expected to have sunshine and rainbows beaming from your ass while sitting on a cloud of puffy hearts and fairy sparkles. Ummmm, yeah. Not me. After daring to disagree on some benign subject, I was promptly banned. And thus began my downward spiral.

For a long time I gave up on finding any new online boards. Everything I joined was either slow-moving or full of sunshine-blowers, and I’d get bored and move on. Pointless. So now recently as I am working on promoting my blog, I got the brilliant idea to join a couple new communities and meet new people. My only excuse is that having birthed three children, my brain is now slowly disintegrating and leaking out of any number of suspect orifices. Either that or previous experience has taught me nothing.

I had forgotten how utterly stupid people in internet land can be. I’m not talking like ‘lack of education stupid’, I don’t have a college degree myself. I’m talking about ‘why did they not sterilize you at birth???’ stupid. People who could convince even the most emphatic of pro-lifers that there should be a test of some sort required to reproduce. Last night in chatting with a couple of friends we got to discussing who we do and don’t like there, and this was my response. A litmus test if you will, to know if I like you or not.

*If you have ever posted asking if it is ok to let your 8 week old baby scream himself to sleep, I probably don’t like you.

*If you have ever posted complaining that your baby won’t hold his own bottle, I probably don’t like you. (When you are responsible for them for the next 18 years, you can take 10 minutes out of your busy schedule to feed them, asswipe.)

*If you truly believe it is ok to drug your dog, spank your dog, or lock it in a closet, I probably don’t like you.

*If you have ever used the words “YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!!” as a response to any post, I probably don’t like you.

*If you post talking about some stupid thing you did, yet start the post with “Don’t judge me, but…”, I probably don’t like you.

*If your ‘baby daddy’ has another child within a month of having one with you, and you are still with him(and likely bitching about the other mother), I probably don’t like you.

*If you gush and rave about how much you “love how we all get along here without any drama!!”, I probably don’t like you. In fact, I know I don’t, because the blinding glare of the sunshine rays shooting out of your butt is annoying.

Judgmental as heck? Yes, I am. I admit it. No worries, karma will get me. I’ll likely have a permanent scar from beating my head against the wall from reading all this drivel.

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