Comments on: When Faced With the Truth, Dig a Deeper Hole

By: Aftermath | Suburban Oblivion

Aftermath | Suburban Oblivion — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 07:48:48 +0000

[...] know I promised I would tell what happened that night, and with a little more patience that will come. I think there’s a part of me that needs to [...]

By: Michelle Smiles

Michelle Smiles — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 02:43:45 +0000

I'm coming to your story at the end of this chapter but I was struck by how much this sounded like my ex (and his sister who still leaves nasty comments on my blog after almost 7 years). I'm sorry for all you are dealing with and hope you are able to shake him quickly. And take care of yourself. No man is worth leaving your children over. Michelle Smiles’s last blog post..Why Daddy shouldn’t be in charge of hair

By: moodswingingmommy

moodswingingmommy — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 19:29:45 +0000

Wow. Seriously, how to respond to that? Diane really did do it best. I am so sorry to hear how things are going and about your suicide attempt. Just keep those 3 kids in your mind. You WILL get through this. Like others have mentioned, I have been there too, and am fortunately still here to tell the tale. Please, please reach out to one or more of us if you need to talk about ANYTHING. I'm assuming you have a therapist, too, but if not, please get one now. Get that divorce over and done. No man and the shit he puts you through is ever worth ending your life over. I'm here for you, as are we all. moodswingingmommy’s last blog post..Dude, hit the brakes! I've gotta make a stop!

By: Amy @ Taste Like Crazy

Amy @ Taste Like Crazy — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 14:57:43 +0000

Damn, honey!

Since my cousin offed himself in December, my first reaction is to be pissed at you. But, since I’ve been on the other side [where you were] a couple of times, I want to do nothing other than give you a big fat hug.

It sucks so much ass that you felt like that was your only option-I’m glad you failed. You’re going to get through all of this. It’s going to suck and will probably get worse but you WILL come out the other end.

Email me if you want because I’ve been there, I’ve tried that and I know how it is:Crazy@TasteLikeCrazy.com.

As for your wonderfully articulate brother-in-law, it’s pretty pathetic that he resorts to calling you crazy in order to discredit you. Crazy obviously does not automatically equal unreliable and dishonest, since your brother-in-law expects to be believed.

Amy @ Taste Like Crazy’s last blog post..Hello Kitty is Britney Spears and Other Randomness

By: Jerseygirl89

Jerseygirl89 — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 01:06:25 +0000

Sara, you are one amazingly strong woman. I am proud to read your blog. Diane said it best and I second Christine's advice. Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Search Term Fun

By: Bella

Bella — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 16:16:15 +0000

Please hang on for your kids sake...I can't imagine how hard it is right now, but like Priss said, "Everything will come into place at some point." Hugs... Bella’s last blog post..The Sunday Spank: May I Serve You

By: Priss

Priss — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 22:23:42 +0000

I think I’d rather be pathetic and have an open heart than to be so angry and try to discredit someone else with ugly, ad hominen attacks written up in a fit of “but that’s not faaaaiiiir!”.

I feel sad for the ex and Mark that they cannot see that their selfish acts will drive a large gap between them and the children over time. Kids don’t forget these things. I didn’t, and I remember both of my parents being horrible and telling lies about each other. They took the low road, and now I’m closer to my husband’s family than my own.

All I can do is ask for something good to come to all involved, and that it is the right thing for everyone.

I assume part of the reason you spend time online is because this will ultimately lead to your independence and livelihood, that doesn’t directly include a man who is controlling and mentally abusive. My first marriage was abusive in that manner, and toward the end it became physical. I fought back, then I left. It was the most difficult thing for me to do, and I did have to lie to get away from the situation I was in. Once out, I told the full truth. I took a lot of venom, did a lot of crying.

In the end, please remember that your children need you. The only people you ever have to show your worth to is them. the ex has already done this with his ugly acts, and it will take him a lifetime of better living to correct this where they will trust him again. Children are not so easily led as one might think. With a highly intelligent mother, I’m going to assume that they already think very much for themselves.

Spend time with them, and let them talk about what might be hurting them. All the same, I don’t fault someone for not talking about her children in her publicly open blog. Children need that protection from the rest of the world until they can fully weigh the risks and benefits of their business.

As for the lawsuit, it will show a judge exactly what kind of person he has been. He has an awful lawyer, and I’m still of a mind that he knew before he told you and attempted to pass the virus on to you. That’s my own personal conclusion, and probably not what anyone else was thinking… at least, not seriously. I wouldn’t put it past a man who allows his brother to harass random people on the internet.

Also, I find that the accounts where you take the blame you deserve. A liar and someone who is truly suffering from long-term mental illness paints themselves solely as a victim. The story does not come across as fabricated, nor disingenous.

It took me some time to put these thoughts together before I commented, but I am behind you on this. I shall ask for a wise judge to be put in place for you when I meditate, and that the outcome is ultimately for the best of the children. They are the only victims of this, and their father makes it worse with his behavior.

Stay strong. You are bigger than all these things, and it won’t be long before it is past you. You will heal, and you will find someone who will show you that you are of too much value to take your own life.

Be brave, mama. Everything will come into place at some point.

By: Stimey

Stimey — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 04:57:58 +0000

I just read through your entire truth series. Yours is an incredible story. I'm so sorry that things are so difficult for you right now. I hope that this whole thing ends soon, so you can both move on. Hang in there. Stimey’s last blog post..The Next INTERNET PHENOMENON, a.k.a. The Chicken Game

By: Karen Sugarpants

Karen Sugarpants — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 23:29:28 +0000

What Diane said was excellent and Sara? I’m behind you 100%. I’ve known you quite some time and you know where to find me.
As for this jackass emailing everyone? Whatever. The truth is obviously coming out now, huh pal?

By: Shauna

Shauna — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:24:06 +0000

I couldn't have said it any better than Diane. This needs to stop and a resolution to the divorce is needed NOW. For the kids sake. Shauna’s last blog post..A Dena Story Without Dena

By: Natalie

Natalie — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:55:25 +0000

Diane said it best. There are people who *knew* her years before “The Irish Jackass” came into the picture and knew there was a problem with the marriage BEFORE she did (or at least before she admitted to it out loud). Some of the people who are on Sara’s side are not just going by what she’s written on her blog. The minute the ex started using the children as leverage was the minute he lost all credibility, because WE remember how uninvolved he was. Sara never said anything, but it was obvious anyway.

the ex has a right to be hurt and angry, but this obsession and abuse is not normal and most judges would have recognized it and put an end to this nonsense long ago.

the ex should move on with his life. It’s been a year, dude, let it go. Sara has stated numerous times she has no intent of taking his children away from him, yet he wants to fight tooth and nail to ensure they are his, and for what? So that he can play video games with them all day, every day? That is so incredibly selfish. This little move is all about control and getting back at Sara for his hurt feelings.

By: Christine

Christine — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:19:21 +0000

Sweetie, please contact your local domestic violence center. What both these men are doing is verbal and emotional abuse to you and emotional abuse to your children beause they are hearing and seeing it. Ask for a victim advocate, they can help you navigate the system and get help for you and your children and perhaps even have the ex removed from the home. These are obviously sad little men preying on a woman they perceive as weaker, but I know you can show them how wrong they are. It's no sign of weakness to ask for help. You are not perfect, nobody is, but that doesn't mean you deserve to be treated like this. No woman does ANYTHING that warrants abuse. You are loved, always believe that, even if it's just by us "pathetic" people. Funny how the "pathetic" people are the ones with the open hearts. P.S. For those who received that e-mail, do what you can to report this man for sending an abusive e-mail - report him to whatever email domain he is using. They have rules about sending slanderous or abusive e-mails. Enough of you could get him kicked out of that email domain for good. P.P.S. Everyone who got a copy of this e-mail, please send it to Sarah so that she can show the extent of this abuse. and Sarah, honey, please report this man and take these e-mails with you. Christine’s last blog post..Junk in her trunk?

By: sam {temptingmama}

sam {temptingmama} — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 13:59:17 +0000

Wow Sara. Diane’s comment really hit me because over the years we’ve been blogging together – that’s how I SENSED your home life….. the husband never around and you doing everything while he worked and used that as the excuse that he was never there. Sorry if that sounds harsh, it’s not meant to be.

I’m really sad to hear about the attempted overdose. That breaks me heart. I hate how one human being could put another through so much that attempting to take ones life feels like the only way out.

What you’re going through is a case of domestic violence – whether he hits you or not. I just can’t fathom how a court can even consider giving custody to an abuser like the ex.

I want nothing more than a quick outcome for you so you can move on with your life and be happy again.

sam {temptingmama}’s last blog post..Flotsam

By: Diane

Diane — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 13:40:57 +0000

Mark,
I am not surprised that you are the ex’s side. Of course you are you are his brother and that is just human to trust him and be on his side. My brother would probably do the same. Well he wouldn’t stalk my ex’s blog or my ex’s friends or be so crude and nasty but you know you get the picture.
I have been friends with Sara for 6 years so long before the “irish jackass” was in the picture. Your brother, let’s not sugar coat it, treated her like shit for years. Do condone her cheating? No. But I support her because she is my friend and friends may do things that you wouldn’t do but in the end if you are truly friends you stand by them. Just like I am sure you don’t condone domestic violence but still stand by the ex.
I really am not going to go back and forth about affairs or herpes or who did what to who, because in the end who the fuck cares? The marriage is over the only thing left of importance is the kids. Somewhere along the lines this has been forgotten. You say that Sara has been in the car and in the house but not really been spending quality time with them. You mean like the ex did for the first few years of their lives? You must remember I was friends with Sara back in the day. I damn well know that the ex never spent any quality time with them. Ask him how many times he would take the kids alone or gave them a bath before this all went down. the ex would always say that the house and kids were Sara’s job and providing for the family was his. You must admit the ex was not exactly the family man. Which is why I am concerned that once he found out about the divorce it was his sole mission in life to get custody of them. I would love to think for the kids sake that he did it because he thought it would be best for them and not to punish Sara. But since he had not problem with Sara raising them before the affair I think he is using the kids as pawns. Children are affected by everything they see and hear. I have been on the phone with Sara when he thought I was the “Irish Jackass” and he called her names and belittled her right in front of the kids.
I think that BOTH parties need to realize that the only thing that matters our those 3 kids. BOTH parties need to work together for their sake. Divorce is hard enough on children and a nasty divorce is just plain hurtful on children especially when Parents smite one another to the kids.
I don’t have a blog for you to harass but if you feel the need my email is Mrsdianek@yahoo.com

By: Sarah Lena

Sarah Lena — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 13:19:24 +0000

So.. and it probably goes without saying.. you should DEFINITELY keep the email for your lawyer. That actually is as close to the definition of slander as it comes, and while you can’t hold it against your ex, you can pursue the BIL in court with it. And since your blog is a money-maker, you can pursue it with gusto.

.. sadly, I only know this because I went through the same thing. And from my experience, know this: crazy always comes through. You may feel like no one believes you and that you’re all by yourself, but people ALWAYS see the truth. Hang in there, babe.

By: Gina

Gina — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 13:06:50 +0000

I am so sorry that you are going through all this crap. Keep your head up and don't let the assholes get you down. You have a lot of support out here. Gina’s last blog post..And I Walked to School, Uphill, Both Ways...

By: Huckdoll

Huckdoll — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 06:35:11 +0000

I thought it was funny to open this email today from the "brother" of the same man who contacted me via email last year to "out" Sara and her affair on my own blog, based solely on a quite public disagreement her and I had a few months before. Funny that I knew these people's dirty laundry before most of Sara's readers and friends even did thanks to her ex-husband's searching for and seeking revenge. Out Sara on my blog?? Seriously??? Between that email and the one I received today, I am convinced the ex- and his brother are nothing short of completely insane mind fucking controllers. I understand your hurt, but jesus christ...let it go. Sara, you know I'm here, you know you've got a hand and a shoulder and a friend. You're one of the strongest women I've ever known. Keep your chin up. Huckdoll’s last blog post..Part One - Crazy Day

By: Shannon S

Shannon S — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 06:17:05 +0000

Hey Sara. I’ve been following this whole mess. I knew both you and the ex while you where living in Florida. I know we had a falling out during that time. I do know the ex and I do know he can be a jackass. I was happy to hear you were living him. the ex just wanted a arm candy to make him look good. He was more in love with the video games he would play than anything else. I am sorry you are dealing with all of this. I wish I was closer to you.

By: Molly

Molly — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 05:08:28 +0000

Whoa, so I just found you via loralee's twitter. HUGS! Also, in response to your twitter, he is a DOUCHEBAG! seriously though, it is the perfect word. This whole situation is douchbaggery. I'm SO sorry you are dealing with all of this. UGH. we are here for you also Loralee=baller. She's right, he is NUTS. You hang in there. I'm a sleep deprived college student so I'm always around if you wanna vent. Molly’s last blog post..roneydapony: ok quick skype break and then midterm. i'm tired

By: Suebob

Suebob — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 04:30:35 +0000

Ack. I have nothing to say to that.

But while we are on the subject, and since my friend killed himself last month, I am going to mention 1-800-SUICIDE for anyone who feels like they may be wanting to end their life. It is a toll-free helpline and they have teen peer counselors and PPD mom counselors and other good folks to help. Just in case anyone out there needs it.