Suburban Oblivion

You guys know for the most part I’ve kept pretty mum about the details of my divorce thus far. While I would generally love to just spill all, I don’t want to give the ex anything else to drag up in court against me. Trust me, he’s doing a great job so far just making things up on his own, so why fuel the fire? With only a week and a half till our hearing, I can wait.

Until today. Until this-

You can probably see without clicking it, but clicking it gives you a very clear view of a considerable amount of wetness around the base of a toilet. Wetness that has been mysteriously showing up for months now, that I had chalked up to having two boys in the house ages 5 and under. 

Wetness that mysteriously appeared again today, after I cleaned the floor, and after my kids had left for the day.

Either the dogs have learned to squat and pee behind my kids bathroom toilet, or the ex has been purposely going in there and ‘missing’ so I’d have to clean it up. This explains quite a bit, especially him walking into that bathroom and claiming it reeked of urine, even when no one else smelled anything.

Towards the upper right hand of the picture you can see where there is yellow on the baseboard I’ve had to scrub to try to remove the stains because it’s been done so much.

I confronted him about this today, and he completely denied it, as he does everything. He claims he wasn’t even in that bathroom today, but I was on a video chat with Paul today when we heard noise coming from the bathroom, so obviously someone was in there, and my kids were in another state for the day. Not to mention this isn’t our first rodeo concerning his bathroom habits, although at least in the past it wasn’t him being passive-aggressive that I am aware of.

Note to any of his future significant others…Invest in a lot of Clorox.

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16 days till the hearing for my divorce.

16 days till the end of this nightmare.

16 days till the gag comes off, and the windows can be opened and I can breathe again.

16 days till I finally get some answers, and can stop living in limbo.

16 days till I can be myself again, whoever ‘myself’ is.

I’m still working on that one.

Every so often over the last few weeks, I have gotten that nagging little voice in my head saying “You haven’t blogged in awhile. Maybe you should get a post up?” A quick bitch-slap and the voice shuts up right quick, but looking at my last post 25 days ago makes me think I really should have been paying the voice a bit more attention. 25 days without blogging, and it wasn’t even an intentional hiatus. WTF?????

I don’t know how to really explain it, other than that with the stress of the divorce going on, I began having issues with my depression again, only a bit worse than I have had in the past. I became moody, avoided friends, stayed out of social situations as much as possible and generally began to shut down. In addition to the depression and anxiety I’ve experienced before, I began having panic attacks as well. Overall, I was a bit of a mess. I finally realized one day that I was having a hard time doing even just the day-to-day stuff, and that’s when I knew I was once again in need of a bit of pharmaceutical help.

One doctor’s appointment, a Zoloft prescription, and two weeks later I am finally feeling like a real human being again.  I’m not 100%, but I’ve left behind the constant moodiness, the crying, the panic attacks, and the complete and total lack of energy. (When doing nothing more than taking a shower is both overwhelming and exhausting, you know things are bad.)

As I am feeling better, I’m pulling my head out of my ass and looking at the things that I have been neglecting. Writing has always been therapy for me, and my friends in the blogging community (yes you, dear readers) have rarely been anything but supportive. If I had been in the right frame of mind I might have realized I should have been more open with everyone about what was going on. I’ve seen very little of my friends lately, although I got to spend some time with a couple of them this week and that was really awesome. (Thank you so much for being there!) I’ve had a couple of opportunities come up with my writing that could lead to some cool stuff, although nothing large-scale, yet (Glass half full here..) , so hoping I’ve not missed out on those. In short, I’m back in action, but picking up all those balls I dropped over the last few weeks. Let’s hope I didn’t lose any.

I’ve missed you guys, so do me a favor and let me know what I’ve missed this month. Link your best recent post in my comments so I can swing by and catch up. I promise we’ll be seeing each other more often